Does a year ever really end or does it blend into the next, and the next? I was suddenly put in a situation this morning where I was confronted to speak about what I am now learning in a non academic and most personal way. I was challenged to organize thoughts and speak them into the world in an experimental group discussion format during my chumash class (chumash is a Hebrew term for Torah, or the 5 books of Moses, or the Old Testament, depending your lingo). I worked with 3 women whom I do not normally individually learn with, but look to with respect.
During our discussion, I found myself "suddenly" able to interact from a learned place with integrity - approaching the text from what is actually written - while also speak about how I interpret it and speak to what it says about my theology and ideology - both in a healthy process of development. I had not yet realized (and was beginning to freak out because of it) that I am actually learning how to read the text in ways that acknowledge and bring respect to tradition while weaving in my own chidushim (these are "new" ideas that one comes up with - the reason I put the word new in quotation marks is because I find it intriguing that in another one of my classes, I am learning that there exist some opinions, call them maximalist statements, that say everything we come up with now - such as comments anyone makes in class here in 2006 - was actually part of the revelation at Mt. Sinai...Though this could seem radically religious, it is a deep spiritual concept in my mind - it has been doing me good to find a great deal of respect for the tradition despite a maintenance of wrestling and questioning).
The reason this is blog worthy for me is that I have been freaking out of late around the idea of returning to an environment where not everyone (in fact, potentially no one) else has been learning Jewish texts all year, and I fear that I am learning a routine that will be swept from under me when I find no time and/or person/people to continue it with. I am afraid that the way I speak about Judaism will have to change...This is in fact absolutely true and on the flip side I totally look forward to the translation process which I will look to recruit some absolutely fabulous, curious, open friends to engage in long summer conversations with in Seattle. Being that the way I have learned to speak about Judaism must adapt, I have worried that I would not be able to "translate" what I am learning into conversation that makes sense and thus I will alienate my awesome friends who have not been constantly exposed to the discourse in which I am becoming more and more familiar.
This has been compounded of late by the fact that Pardes has begun their recruitment of "fellows" which is the program for those who stay here to study full-time for a second year. I would be lying if I said the idea of doing this is not highly tempting. I have already begun my campaign to make it a very easy, thoughtful decision to not stay, nonetheless. Decisiveness is my next project...And for those of you who know me well, I am sure there is the thought of "finally!" Well, it is time.
So, today I can take a deep break thinking that yes, a year on can in fact flow into a future year on, and not necessarily because one continues doing the same thing. Thus, the year's activity and that which makes it on, truly does not end and things remain turned on all the more so, now applied to and challenged by change.
How are you making this a year on? I ask this, as it is a goal of mine to create an online community or people being intentional about how they are spending their time. Sharing how and with what can provide space for communal support as we write about our experiences and comment on what others write. In the meantime, please comment here and let me know if and how you may be spending your time.
What are you up to?
Meanwhile, the upcoming movie I am most excited about.
During our discussion, I found myself "suddenly" able to interact from a learned place with integrity - approaching the text from what is actually written - while also speak about how I interpret it and speak to what it says about my theology and ideology - both in a healthy process of development. I had not yet realized (and was beginning to freak out because of it) that I am actually learning how to read the text in ways that acknowledge and bring respect to tradition while weaving in my own chidushim (these are "new" ideas that one comes up with - the reason I put the word new in quotation marks is because I find it intriguing that in another one of my classes, I am learning that there exist some opinions, call them maximalist statements, that say everything we come up with now - such as comments anyone makes in class here in 2006 - was actually part of the revelation at Mt. Sinai...Though this could seem radically religious, it is a deep spiritual concept in my mind - it has been doing me good to find a great deal of respect for the tradition despite a maintenance of wrestling and questioning).
The reason this is blog worthy for me is that I have been freaking out of late around the idea of returning to an environment where not everyone (in fact, potentially no one) else has been learning Jewish texts all year, and I fear that I am learning a routine that will be swept from under me when I find no time and/or person/people to continue it with. I am afraid that the way I speak about Judaism will have to change...This is in fact absolutely true and on the flip side I totally look forward to the translation process which I will look to recruit some absolutely fabulous, curious, open friends to engage in long summer conversations with in Seattle. Being that the way I have learned to speak about Judaism must adapt, I have worried that I would not be able to "translate" what I am learning into conversation that makes sense and thus I will alienate my awesome friends who have not been constantly exposed to the discourse in which I am becoming more and more familiar.
This has been compounded of late by the fact that Pardes has begun their recruitment of "fellows" which is the program for those who stay here to study full-time for a second year. I would be lying if I said the idea of doing this is not highly tempting. I have already begun my campaign to make it a very easy, thoughtful decision to not stay, nonetheless. Decisiveness is my next project...And for those of you who know me well, I am sure there is the thought of "finally!" Well, it is time.
So, today I can take a deep break thinking that yes, a year on can in fact flow into a future year on, and not necessarily because one continues doing the same thing. Thus, the year's activity and that which makes it on, truly does not end and things remain turned on all the more so, now applied to and challenged by change.
How are you making this a year on? I ask this, as it is a goal of mine to create an online community or people being intentional about how they are spending their time. Sharing how and with what can provide space for communal support as we write about our experiences and comment on what others write. In the meantime, please comment here and let me know if and how you may be spending your time.
What are you up to?
Meanwhile, the upcoming movie I am most excited about.
posted by daveb at 2:23 PM
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